Because he had to have toast
by beezy63
Summary: A normal day for the sand sibs. Temari must replace another broken item. What happens when a loud-mouth prevents her from getting home on time? Crack fic. Rated for Hidan's mouth. HidanxTemari summary sucks I know


**warning: This is my first fanfic posted here. Please R&R. Critique is appricated (but so are compliments!) **

Rated for Hidan's mouth, because why censor something so amusing?

I know this pairing is totally crack but still XD it's amusing, no?

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"BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!" the all-too familiar sound rang in Temari's ears. The obnoxious sound that always ruined the best part of her day. It's a shame that part of the day was sleep.

Sleepily she smacked the alarm clock to cease the incessant noise. She wasn't sure what she disliked more, the fact that the alarm interupted her peace, or the fact that it was a warning siren of what was going to happen. She could expect the same thing every day. Wake up. Try to prevent her younger brother Gaara from destroying something. Cleaning up the item that Gaara destroyed. Trying to convince Kankuro he wasn't a fat loser who played with dolls (however she couldn't help but think that at times). Repeat these processes and on occaison, a mission. At least then nobody cared what kind of mess Gaara made.

Temari slid her feet into some slippers and walked down the stairs. She glanced into the kitchen noting that Gaara and Kankuro were already eating breakfast. She also noticed the silence, and how nervous Kankuro seemed. It was evident that Gaara noticed this too, for it seemed he was in a slightly worse mood than usual. Thus making Kankuro even more nervous. Temari was going to say something to break the tension, but all that came out of her mouth was a rather loud yawn.

At the sound of his sister's yawn Kankuro looked up. "Morning Tem," was all he said. 3 syllables? That was it? Gaara must have really had him freaked out.

She yawned again, but spoke afterwards. "Good Morning Kankuro. 'Morning Gaara." She tried to sound cheerful, but realized she wasn't usually, so why bother now?

Gaara mearly blinked in responce. Something was up. The house was often quiet, that fact was inevitable. But it was way _too_ quiet. Temari mearly shrugged it off, it was too early to be thinking that much anyway. It was a shame she didn't have to think much to figure it out.

As she approached the location of the toaster, prepared to make herself a waffle, she noticed there was something wrong with it. It was in pieces. And surronded by sand. "That explains it," she thought to herself. "Gaara must've gotten pissed at the toaster and destroyed it. That would explain why Kankuro is more nervous then usual." Hell, she would be too if she witnessed her brother destroy something new. She then noticed the footsteps behind her.

"We need a new toaster," was stated in a monotone voice. Sure enough, Gaara was standing in the doorway, arms crossed as usual.

"Well I can see that Gaara."

"You need to go buy a new one."

"Okay I'll go in a little bit."

"No, go now"

"Why now?"

"I want toast."

Temari turned away from the remains of the appliance, and sleepily walked back to her room. On her way back past the table she told Kankuro bluntly "Get off your ass and go clean up the remains of the toaster. I'm gonna got out and buy a new one." Kankuro got up, not looking happy at all, and tromped to the remains.

When she arrived in her room she looked at her reflection. She looked like hell. Hell with morning hair. She sat down and brushed her hair, putting it into her usual pigtails. After getting dressed she picked up her fan, and headed downstairs and out the front door.

The familiar sensation hit her as soon as she opened the door. Warm desert air caressed her face. It was starting to feel good to have that warming feeling. Temari walked down the street, doing the kind of thing she always does. She observed people. It was a bit of a hobby, she just liked to see the different people all in one place.

The most interesting person she saw was standing across the street from the appliance store. He was a normal sized man, no surprise there. What caught her attention was the slicked back white hair, and the eyes. His eyes were what seemed like lavender, but they pierced into your soul somehow. She noted the black cloak he wore and the lack of shirt. Dangling against his pale chest was a rosary of some sorts. So to her, he looked like a fucked up monk.

While she was observing him he turned, catching her gaze. She swiftly turned her head and walked into the appliance store. The man had seen her, no less seen her staring at him like that. There was no doubt he thought there was something odd about her. She walked past rows of applicances, finnally finding one with toasters. She looked over the equipment, looking bored. She looked closely at the cheapest one she saw.

"Shouldn't matter too much what I get," she stated to herself. "He'll just destroy it again anyway." In her deep thought (or lack of thought) she failed to notice the man behind her.

"Well fuck blondie, first you're gawking at men you don't know, then you're talking to yourself? Thats not right," the voice was loud and obnoxious. Temari turned to see the same man she saw across the street. If she was in a good mood, she would have shrugged it off and ignored the strange man. but she was tired, and more than a little angry about her brother destroying yet another item. So instead of ignoring him, she replied. A mistake she would no doubt regret later.

"First off, i have a name. And secondly, I'm not the one who's walking around with no shirt on," she glanced at man, and scowled a little. He smelled like blood. And colgne. not the best combo.

"I wouldn't object to you walking around with no shirt on blondie." The man shrugged and laughed at his own comment. _Jeez,_ Temari thought. _Looks like a fucked up monk and he's an obnoxious perv. I picked the perfect guy to talk to._ She decided it was good judgement time, and ignored the comment, as much as she wanted to take her fan and smack him across the face with it. She just wanted to get home. she knew how Gaara was when he wanted toast.

She swiftly walked away from the man, if he followed, she didn't notice. she walked up to the all-too-familiar register. The same person was there. She placed the item in front of the cheerful girl.

"Morning. Beth." was all she said. She had become very famliar with this person lately. More and more Gaara was destroying everything. _He must be PMSing_ thought Temari with a laugh.

"Well Good morning Temari! Gaara decide he didn't like the toaster?"

"Oi, so your name's Temari blondie." She turned and noticed the man behind her once again. And now he knew her name. Thanks a lot Beth. Was it her, or did Beth look sorry. Then she spoke.

"Oi, Hidan, what have I told you about disturbing the other customers."

"I'm not one to listen to heathens."

"Hidan?"

"What?"

"Get out of my store."

With that the near-albino man walked out the door. Temari was surprised she the man, or Hidan rather, would have started a fight. She was shocked to just see him walk out like that.

"Sorry about that Tem. Thats Hidan. He's kinda like you, with somebody always destroying stuff and whatnot. If he stopped being so obnoxious you two could even get along." Beth smiled at her and bagged the toaster. Temarai was already partway out the door when she said "Thanks, just put it on my tab."

Not much to her surprise, Hidan was sitting outside the store, waiting. she was kind of hoping he wouldn't notice her, but the damn bell on the door gave her away. the man saw her and smirked, not kindly, but like his prey had just arrived.

"Well hello Temari."

"What do you want?"

"Well excuse me for showing some fucking courtesy. I figured if i was nice you'd stop being such a fucking bitch."

"That wasn't exactly nice you know."

"Well I figured out nice wouldn't work."

"What do you want from me!?"

"Come have some coffee and a doughnut with me?" the man chuckled and gestured over to a small shop. Temari would have said no, she really didnt want to spend more time with this man. Gaara's toast craving was probably getting a lot worse as well. But she was so hungry, she figured why not?

"fine," she stated in a flat tone. the man grinned and walked over to the shop. Temari reluctantly followed him, but despite that, looking forward to finnally getting some food. After all, if she took the time to go out ajnd buy this new toaster, she should at least get to eat. As they walked in the shop, they were seated in a booth near the back. Temari orded herself some eggs, and some tea. Hidan ordered black coffee. Ick.

"So blondie, tell me about you," Hidan said, apparently they wouldn't be eating in peace like she was used to. "Ya got any family?"

She wasn't sure what shocked her more, the fact that he asked that kind of question, or the fact that a reply came.

"Two brothers. One of them in the Kazekage now."

"so he's a total bore that probably has a stick up his ass?"

Temari giggled. She fucking _giggled! _Only the most pathetic excuses for kunoichi actually giggled. "Yeah, he destroyed our toaster just because it was taking to long to toast some bread."

"I know the feeling," Hidan stated. "Other than my partner's obsession with money, the man has a temper shorter than a five year old. I swear somebody stuck a fucking lightning rod in his ass and they have it go off every once in a while just to picc him off."

Temari's thoughts ceased for a moment. Partner? He? Was Hidan _gay?_ He certainly didn't act it. Her expression must have gave her away, because Hidan frowned.

"Blondie I didn't mean _that_ kind of partner. I'm as straight as a line on a square." Temari actually laughed this time. He use the weirdest expressions she's ever heard!!

"Hidan, I need to ask. You were a rosary without a shirt, are a seriously fucked up monk or something?" the man smirked.

"Glad you asked. For you see, this is typical of the faith of jashin. And I am most certainly loyal."

Temari prevented herself from shuddering. She had heard of jashinists before, and she didn't really want to meet one. Stabbing themselves to please their god, and killing others as human sacrifices. Not the most pleasent thing in the world. She tried to hide the slight fear in the back of her mind.

"Hm. Sounds like an interesting religion."

You could have swore somebody just told him he hit the lotto. His eyes brightened and he grinned nearly ear to ear. The next thing Temari knew he was going on and on bout his religion. She did her best to actually pay attention. She would nod, and respond when the time seemed right. She was happy to have food so she wouldn't need to speak.

"You know Temari, you're the only person that ever took the time to fucking listen to me. I could assist you in conver-" then man was cut off by a loud crash at the front of the store.

A tall man with some of the freakiest eyes ever was at the door. What made the eyes scarier was that was all you could see. The rest of his head was hidden by a mask. The man seemed more than a little angry.

"HIDAN!? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING IN HERE!? WE HAVE A MISSION REMEMBER!?" The man was screaming rather loud. Hidan smirked at Temari.

"The lightning rod went off." he stated then he got up and followed the angry man out. Temari left a pile of bills on the table and proceeded out not much later. She went home and was making Gaara his much wanted toast when the doorbell rang. Gaara went to get it.

Hidan was at the door. "Oi, is Temari here? I wanna ask her som-"

"She can't come to the door right now. She's making me toast."

And with that Gaara slammed the door in Hidan's face, and went to the kitchen to eat the desired toast.

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well thats it. hope ya enjoyed!


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